Raise your hand if you have ever watched porn. Raise another hand if you have watched porn this week. Since I am pretty sure you have just raised both hands, raise your feet if you have watched porn today.
The numbers don’t lie, In 2019 alone, Pornhub reported over 42 BILLION visits to their site. In other words, over 2,000 persons visit the site every second. I must say I am not surprised considering the wide array of categories including ‘party, spanking, neighbour, outdoor and footjob’. That’s just naming a few. Here is a quick activity for you, write the name of your favourite category of porn on the blank line below _____________________
The truth is, most of us get a kick out of watching, whether we turn our TV screens‘ blue’ when doing it with our partners to get us going or we watch alone and imagine ourselves having the best time of our lives.
But when is it too much?
Are you envisioning your favourite porn star while doing the butterfly (this is an actual sex position; you should look it up) with your partner? Or do you have an insatiable desire that even after sex you find yourself hiding away in the bathroom ‘getting off’? I hope it is not so bad that you find yourself watching it at work and claiming it for research purposes. If you find that you just can’t help yourself and it’s interfering with your work, you may have an addiction and it can potentially harm your relationship.
Porn is not necessarily bad for relationships… but it can be!
It can be bad for some people and for some couples, depending on how it’s used and how each person feels about it. A study in 2013 found that 71% of men and 56% of women think it’s acceptable to watch porn in a relationship, including watching it by yourself. However, if it’s causing emotional distress for you or your relationship, it is a good idea to examine your “relationship” with porn.
Many have admitted that porn has been able to drive a wedge between themselves and their partners. This is a result of one of the parties using porn to avoid intimacy or deeply connecting. A 2016 study showed that people in relationships found watching porn by themselves is related to dissatisfaction, less intimacy, and less commitment.
Porn addictions have led to divorce
A 2018 study revealed that marriages that had one person watching porn were nearly twice as likely to end in divorce. From all the studies that have been done, a question still remains: Does porn contribute to an unhappy relationship, or does an unhappy relationship lead to porn use? What say you?
One of the most common ways porn can hurt your relationship is through secrecy. Are you comfortable telling your partner you watch the dirty? Because I sure ain’t. Some people view porn as cheating and competition, so taking your partner’s phone and seeing that they have been searching the deep dark web for some activities that you have never done can be quite hurtful and even traumatizing.
Is there Healthy Porn?
Watching porn can sometimes be healthy, this is when it does not interfere with relationships or your daily life, including work. Both partners would have had a discussion and it’s understood to be a known fantasy, not reality, so it doesn’t define what we expect in our sex life with our partners. Healthy porn is when it leaves us feeling good about ourselves and our sexuality, it feeds the exploration of our eroticism and arousal, and our partner fully acknowledges and accepts the terms of porn usage.
So I guess the bottom line is pretty much like what my granny would say, “too much of one thing, nuh good!”
Ensure you communicate with your partner and find out how he or she feels about porn. Discuss the types of porn they like. Be mature enough to not allow it to affect your relationship.
While thinking about all the porn you will be watching with ‘bae’ or alone. Be sure to stop by Jamaica AIDS Support for Life to get some free condoms and do your checks. HIV and Syphilis tests are also available for free. To get tested or treated for HIV or syphilis visit: https://myhealthja.org/301
or contact Jamaica AIDS Support for Life at 876-925-0021 or any of our social media pages.
*To make a contribution to our blog, contact us at jburke@jasforlife.org
Written by: Jerome Burke
Blog Post: #3- February 11, 2022
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